Concomitant
by Appaku
Summary: COMPLETE: Life in the imperial harem is always more interesting when there's someone like Lady Kourin. Houki's POV, takes place shortly before the series.
1. Meeting the Mirror

It was the first day the harem members were allowed to settle into the palace. They had recruited nearly a hundred young women for Emperor Saihitei to choose from to be his bride. I am one of those hopefuls, Houki.

I didn't necessarily want to leave my village, but the money they were willing to exchange for me would be enough for my family and friends to live on until they could get the crops to be fruitful again and pay their rent. A few weeks ago, I thought I might marry my childhood friend Tendou, and that we'd have a quiet life just tending the rice paddies. I was looking forward to a simple life, but I loved everyone there enough to leave them forever. Tendou and everyone else will always hold a special place in my heart, but I'm prepared to find new love.

The palace looked bigger than I imagined it, but it was hard to enjoy when there were so many other excited women bustling about to settle in. I traded in my tattered clothes for ones made of fine silk, and my new maids eagerly pinned up my hair. It was nice to feel beautiful and clean, but all the other women were too giddy for me to feel very relaxed.

They would calm down soon enough, I hoped, and tried to budge my way past them to find my quarters. Along the way, I briefly looked at all their pretty faces and compared myself to them. Becoming the emperor's wife wasn't a contest, I reminded myself. Considering the prestige and riches associated with it, though, it was treated as such. They were all beautiful, but only face stood out among the rest: the one which looked like mine. Her face curved in all the same places, and her expressions were even similar to mine. It was like looking in a mirror, but having no control over my reflection.

My look-alike didn't take long to notice me, as well. In her eyes, she looked both happy and heartbroken, and as if she were looking for something. "Kou… rin?"

"Kourin?" I cocked my head slightly. "I'm afraid you're mistaken. My name is Houki."

Her bewildered expression turned sour quickly. "Maybe you didn't hear me correctly. I was simply introducing myself. I'm Kourin, pleased to make your acquaintance." She smiled and bowed politely, but there was a sneer behind her lips. I hadn't done anything rude to deserve a sneer, and it certainly didn't sound like she was introducing herself before.

"The pleasure is mine, Lady Kourin," I bowed in return, careful to hide my defensiveness. "Have you found your room yet?"

"I have," she nodded. "Are you having trouble finding yours?"

Her feigned concern made me feel nauseous. "Yes, the palace is so large that I--"

"I suppose that's to be expected of a poor girl who isn't used to lavish buildings," Lady Kourin smirked. "I heard from a few of the other girls that a girl who looked similar to myself came from a small village a ways off from the capital."

"How kind of them to speak of me," I replied sarcastically. I hadn't even been here more than a few hours and the other harem members are already gossiping.

"It's uncanny, isn't it?" Lady Kourin stepped closer to me with a contemplative finger to her chin. She was definitely from a higher class family and may never had had to work in a day in life, judging from the silky skin on her hands. Mine, in contrast, was scraped and blistered from working. At least a life of gathering rice made my hands, as well as the rest of me, fairly strong. Lady Kourin continued by observing my face. "There's an odd resemblance between us, despite that we have vastly different lives."

"Now that we'll both be living in the harem, I'm sure we'll become far more similar," said I.

"Oh, no. It's not going to stay the same for long," she whispered in my ear as she stepped behind me.

There was plenty I would have liked to have said back to her, but that would be sinking to her level and playing her little game. I may not have been as sassy as her, but I had more dignity. I started to walk away, but tripped. If only I had noticed before that Lady Kourin had intentionally stepped on the end of my dress.

"Oh, my goodness! Are you alright?" she helped me up as other members of the harem looked on with great interest. "Don't worry, you'll get used to wearing long dresses like this soon."

"I certainly will," I brushed my skirt off. "Thank you for your kind welcome, Lady Kourin."

"The pleasure was mine, Lady Houki," she sent me a threatening smile as we parted ways. Marrying the emperor was not a contest, I reminded myself again, but the competition would be fierce as long as women like her were around.


	2. Stark Confrontation

**Author Fangirling:** Hyo! This was a very impulsive story on my part. There are hints that Houki and Nuriko (or Kourin, as he'll go by in this story) were friends back in their harem days, and I really wanted to dive into it. This is my first time writing Houki, and I really enjoyed her. The entire story, as opposed to Relegates, is told from Houki's POV, but it'll delve into both characters. Enjoy!

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"Ahh, well if it isn't Lady Houki," a more than familiar face greeted me as we passed. Lady Kourin wasn't the type to give the silent treatment, but it was easy to tell when she didn't like you for some reason or another.

I nodded. "How are you, Lady Kourin?"

"Wonderful. And yourself? Are you holding up okay?"

"I'm just fine, thank you."

Most of our conversations consisted of only formalities. The harem members had formed cliques by this time, and Lady Kourin was very popular among the other women. Under the guise of concern, none of them could hear the contempt in her voice. Why did she come here, I wonder? Just for the title and power of being the queen?

I doubted that she was strong enough to support a man with the most stressful position in the entire country, much less raise the heirs to the throne. I had worked to forget all my attachments so I could be emotionally prepared for these tasks, should I be chosen. The government took me into the harem for my beauty, but that wouldn't get me anything else in life.

Maybe Lady Kourin felt threatened by me because we had the same face. Similar beauty can get us both to one place, but she might be afraid that I have more to offer than she does. By scaring me off, she might have thought, she'd not have to worry about loosing out to my other attributes.

Unfortunately for her, I not only have a strong body, but a strong will. Her petty teasing won't be enough to make me cry and return home. I feel sorry for her, if anything, that she has such low self confidence that she may not be able to offer more than her pretty face.

More pitiful, though, was that expression she had when she first saw me. Perhaps there was more to Lady Kourin than met the eye.

I often took my baths very late at night when most of the other harem members had gone to sleep. It gave me a quiet time and place to relax, and I could usually be alone. Tonight, however, someone else walked in hoping to have that same privacy.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't know anyone would be in here," Lady Kourin frowned, not bothering to keep up her complete lady-like act when no one else was around.

"I don't mind," I shrugged. "You're welcome to take your bath whenever you want."

"I'll wait until you're done," she looked away with a small pout. The bath was certainly big enough for several people to use at one time, so space was not as much as an issue as company.

I probably should have held my tongue, but with only the two of us around, I let a snide comment slip. "Are you that disgusted by me that you have to leave?"

"Disgusted?" her tone changed drastically. "How could I be disgusted by someone who looks just me?"

"I can think of a few reasons," I turned my nose the other way. "But if that's how you feel, then you should have no problem with me."

"I'll take my bath whenever I feel like it and I feel like taking it later!" she raised her voice. Perhaps the poor doll was feeling intimidated? I should have quit while I was ahead, but I kept going.

"You don't have to be so snide with me, Lady Kourin. After all, it's not as if we're here in a game. We're all just supposed to be available to the emperor when he chooses. Seeing as he hasn't even come by to see us yet, we may as well relax."

"Relax? Did you just tell me to relax? I'm already relaxed! Can't you see how relaxed I am?"

Lady Kourin looked anything but relaxed. Her shoulders started tensing up and an irked expression spread across her face.

"Whenever I see you, something does seem to be bothering you," I continued, feigning the same concern she had before. "Could that be me?"

"Stop acting so cocky! Just because you get a little pampered now doesn't make you a princess who can get whatever she wants!" she shook her finger at me, and it seemed as though she only resisted choking me because she didn't want to get her dress wet. If she wanted to attack me, though, I wasn't afraid of her. She had probably been pampered all her life and never had to exert herself, so I would easily be able to defend myself. Once again, I should have stopped provoking her.

"The water is just fine, Lady Kourin. Won't you join me?"

Her only verbal response was an annoyed growl. Physically, she responded by picking up the nearest table and throwing it into the bath to shut my mouth. I was utterly stunned that she was able to throw it with such ease, and in my silence, she left, griping under her breath on the way out. I made a mental note to be more careful around her when she's angry-and seeing the attitude I gave her tonight, that would probably be more often.


	3. The Wrong Idea

**Author Fangirling: **Yes, I had lots and lots of fun with this story! It was a relief to have Houki grow up a bit in it, too.

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"Lady Houki, dear!" 

She had gone out her way to find me, had she? She probably wasn't going to just sit back and continue playing princess to me. "Yes, Lady Kourin?"

"Listen, I'm sorry about how I was acting last night," she clasped her hands and smiled brightly. "I want to apologize by giving you a little something."

"A something?" I raised an eyebrow. Out of her sleeve, she pulled out a delicate necklace with a dark green stone and offered it to me.

"I figure that if this yakouju looks so good on me, it'll look just as fine on you," she started fastening it behind my neck. "There, now doesn't that look lovely?"

"Lady Kourin," blushed I. "You shouldn't have!"

"Oh no, I do believe I should," she continued smiling. "Why, it looks even better on you than it ever did on me! Promise me you'll wear it all the time to show that you've forgiven me, alright?"

Something didn't seem quite right, but I couldn't guess what she was up to. "Very well, Lady Kourin. Thank you very much."

It certainly was a beautiful necklace. I had never seen her wear it, though, but I suppose she has plenty of expendable jewelry to choose from. I couldn't help but wonder what Tendou might have thought of me wearing such a flattering item. Lost in thoughts I thought I had chased away before, I never saw what Lady Kourin had in store for me later that day.

"My yakouju!" she shrieked, in the presence a few other harem members. "Lady Houki stole it from me!"

"What?" the others quickly turned their attention me and the necklace. "But Lady Kourin, that's a necklace. Aren't you missing your other earring?"

"Look," she grabbed the stone from my neck and compared it to one in her hand. "It's the same. This little thief put it in a necklace so no one would notice. Too bad for her I can always recognize my mother's jewels!"

"Lady Kourin!" I gasped. "You gave me this necklace this morning!"

"Are you going to be a liar now, too?" chimed in the other harem members. "Someone of such character should never have been allowed into the imperial harem!"

"What nerve!"

"She has no class."

I immediately unfastened the necklace and handed it back to the scheming leader. "Keep it, then, Lady Kourin. I don't need to show you any forgiveness."

Women's rumors could be brutal, but I wasn't going to let such petty things make me loose spirit. A woman who can help lead and support Konan doesn't bend to personal problems, and certainly does not take part in such rumors herself. Whether for the rest of the country or not, I respected myself too much to let it bother me. Soon, most of the harem avoided me and whispered to each other when I was around, but I kept my head held high and still treated the others respectfully. Lady Kourin started to seem more bothered by it than I was.

"Awfully good at keeping up that act of yours, aren't you?" she taunted me alone one afternoon. "As much as you may act invincible, you know how much being treated like this hurts."

"I don't have an act to keep up," I met her in the eyes. "I am not a woman defined by popularity. You are the one who seems to be working hard to keep up an act."

She pursed her lips. "What kind of act?"

I had thought of many facades she might have been putting up, but only one came to mind at that moment. "When you first saw me, it seemed as though you were looking at someone else. You didn't have that confident, cool demeanor at that moment. I think those were your true colors."

"So? Maybe you did look like someone else."

"Like someone else named Kourin?"

"Like someone else named Kourin, yes." She folded her arms and looked away with her nose in the air.

"That's very strange, isn't it?" I said. "Someone else who looked just like you and even had your name? Not even I'm that similar to you."

"I took her name," she replied matter-of-factly, "after she died."

I felt a knot in my stomach. Little did I expect one of Lady Kourin's secrets to be about a tragedy. The look she first gave me _did_ seem like she had seen a ghost. To take this other woman's name, though, Lady Kourin must have been very close to her. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for her death, or sorry to pry?" she glanced back at me. "If it's the first, don't be sorry. It happened years ago. If it's the latter, then you should be. I didn't like you as soon as you spoke to me because you could see what I thinking. It's only natural to be nervous of people who can see through you."

"If that's it, then, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to threaten you," I felt somewhat relieved that she didn't see me as simple competition for the emperor's love. Unfortunately, she continued.

"I did find more things not to like about you, though. You act so hussy and think that you're better than everyone else here just because you've had a hard life. I have news for you, Lady Houki. Just because you're rich doesn't mean you avoid hardship! I and everyone one of these girls has had to suffer. The emperor is the same!"

She did have a small point. I was holding myself on a higher pedestal than the others. "I didn't come here to find a perfect emperor. I came to love and support him as a human being and as a leader to my country."

Lady Kourin gasped and clenched her fists in anger. "Just because the emperor has had to suffer doesn't mean he's not perfect!"

"…You think the emperor is perfect?"

"Haven't you seen him? He's graceful, wise, has a gentle voice, is kind to his subjects…"

Lady Kourin all along did come because she was in love with the emperor, not for the riches like I expected of her. I felt guilty to have misjudged her and her honest fondness for Emperor Saihitei. "Actually, Lady Kourin, I have never seen the emperor."

"You haven't?! That is an utter injustice! Once you see him, you'll understand what I'm talking about!"

"I relieved to hear that you love him so much. I have to apologize, then. I thought you were only here to be the empress, and not for such sincere things."

"You thought I was only here for that?" her mouth dropped open. "Is that how I came off? How? Ohhh, I hope His Majesty doesn't think I'm like that! If he does, then I… I…!!" in a girlish gasp, she hugged a decorative column and whined, "no, no, no, no, no, Your Majesty! I'm only here to be your wife!"

The column then shattered in her arms. I took a few very nervous steps away from her. Lady Kourin was silent as she held the rubble, her mood quickly changed as she turned around to face me. "Hey! That means you couldn't see completely through me! You were wrong! Ha!"

"…I apologized…"

"No need, no need!" she trotted to my side and held my hands in hers. "I don't like people who think they can know everything about a person. I like keeping my secrets, you know."

"I see," I nodded nervously. "You're a far different person from what I expected, Lady Kourin. You keep your secrets very well."

"Better than you would ever guess," she smiled widely. "You're not so bad after all, Lady Houki."


	4. Striking Reminder

At first, I thought she was a spoiled princess who only wanted to be spoiled more. Now, I know that Lady Kourin must have had some horrible tragedy in her life, she passionately loves the emperor, and she has insane strength. It has been six months since I met her. I'm no longer on her bad side, and she now favors my company.

"Lady Houki, Lady Houki! The weather is so nice! Won't you drink some tea outside with me today?" she grabbed my hands excitedly, not leaving me with much of a choice.

While she was still popular with the other harem members, they noticed what a liking she had taken to me and didn't bother trying to intrude when I was around. None of them dared try to force their way in on Lady Kourin's time, because her opinion among the harem was almost as respected as that of the emperor's. Eventually, the rumors about me subsided, and they treated me as politely as they would treat each other.

"So when had you seen the emperor, Lady Kourin? I still haven't seen the slightest glimpse of him," I asked as I poured our tea.

"It was one or two occasions when my family and I would come to the capital and he'd make public appearances. I've never talked to him personally. I thought joining the harem might give me more of a chance to do that, but he doesn't seem to have any interest in us."

"It does seem that way," I sighed. "It's a little disheartening that he hasn't bothered meeting his harem."

"Maybe His Majesty prefers men," Lady Kourin grew an impish smile.

"That's very rude," I nudged her jokingly. "Never the less, even if he doesn't want a wife, he still needs an heir."

"That's right," her expression sank. Her emotions were so dynamic it made it chuckle.

"You seem very disappointed by that idea, Lady Kourin! I'll bet you just don't want to get fat and ruin your perfect figure."

"Exactly!" she laughed with me. By this time, my tea had several pale pink blossoms floating in it. Spring at the imperial palace meant flowering trees everywhere, and petals inevitably blanketing anyone who wanted to stay outside and enjoy the weather.

Back in my former home, spring was pleasant, but the trees only shed cotton before getting their leaves. Tendou never liked that, and right now he was probably getting hay fever. I did miss him, but had already said goodbye forever.

"Lady Hooouki," she waved a hand in front of my face. "You're spacing out. Picturing the emperor, aren't you?"

"I have nothing to base a picture on," I shrugged. "We're not allowed to leave the harem quarters, so I can never even catch a glimpse of him."

"Well," she smiled. "He has an elegant face shape, and very silky hair- for all I could tell, anyway. And his voice is… hmm. How do I try and describe it?"

"He must be a very handsome man for you to be able to fall in love with him so quickly!"

"Yes," grinned she. "I believe in true love at first sight. Something in my bones made me feel more for him right away than just his appearance, though. Like our destinies were crossed by the heavens or something."

"Wow," I replied. "I can't imagine what that must feel like."

"It's pretty strange," Lady Kourin laughed. "In any case, they probably won't notice if we happen to wonder off and lose our way, and accidentally catch a glimpse of His Majesty."

"Lady Kourin, we shouldn't!"

"It's an accident!" she sang-songed and lead me off by the hand. "If we get caught, we'll just say we were chasing after our tea cup that fell down the hill."

"A teacup?"

Lady Kourin delicately tossed her cup down the hill, but upon impact, it shattered. As if not noticing the pieces, she happily walked us past it. She seemed to know exactly where she going... perhaps she was used to spying on the emperor. She stopped shortly and hid behind a tree, and silently pointed to a gazebo on the lake. Inside lounged a young man who had dozed off in the pleasant weather. Fallen petals had lodged in his hair, and the sunshine graced his face. Even if he were to wear common clothes instead of imperial robes, it would be apparent that he was a beautiful man.

What struck me more than any of his beauty, though, was his resemblance to Tendou. For the first time since I came to the harem, I felt a hole in my soul and longed to see him. I looked over to Lady Kourin, who had a very pleased smile on her face as she watched Emperor Saihitei sleep. With how much she loved him, I was certain that she would win his favor faster than the other women in the harem. The twinge in my stomach got tighter. Lady Kourin and his Majesty resemble the kind of couple we would have been, had I not have left.

"He's such a work of art," she said to me without taking her gaze off of him. "I bet you've never seen anything like him."

Tendou Shu.

I sank to my knees and covered my mouth to choke back my tears. It felt like he was so close, yet I knew he was so far away and I would never see him again. Not only had I lost the man who may have been the love of my life, but I lost my best friend. My new friend, Lady Kourin, noticed my actions and grew concerned. "Lady Houki? Hey, are you alright?"

If I opened my mouth to speak, I would have started sobbing, so I only shook my head weakly. How embarrassing, after I thought I had strong character, I was reduced to this state in ear shot of the emperor. She wasn't sure what my problem was, but Lady Kourin decided to quietly take me back. She had no trouble carrying me back up the hill and back to my bedroom. By the time we made it back to the harem halls, I was crying choked sobs into her shoulder.

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**Author Fangirling: **Sob! Poor Houki! They shall continue this conversation in the next chapter... 


	5. Rekindled Flame

It didn't take long to calm down, but Lady Kourin stayed at my side even after I insisted I was fine. "His Majesty certainly is beautiful, but I've never seen someone driven to tears over it!" she joked to lighten the mood.

"He certainly is, but it's not that," I smiled. "He just reminded me of someone back in my village."

"Aww, are you feeling homesick, dear?" she asked, then grew a sly grin. "Or love sick?"

"A little of both."

"Well, I was only joking with that last part," she blinked. "You came to the harem even though you were already in love with someone?"

"It wasn't an extraordinary romance at all," I smiled faintly. "It was probably only one-sided as well. Why, I don't even know if I loved him that way in the first place."

"Hmm," my friend mused and looked closely at me. "You don't usually strike me as being confused about anything."

"I don't like being confused, especially about my feelings," I replied. "I thought I had buried my feelings for Tendou and my family so I could start anew here, but when I saw His Majesty's face, they all came rushing back. How embarrassing."

Lady Kourin took my hand and looked me in the eyes. "Your feelings are nothing to be ashamed of."

"I admire that about you, Lady Kourin. Your emotions are so honest and blunt. You know yourself well enough to know what you want."

Her face looked sad when I said that, but she smiled and pressed her forehead to mine. "Wrong again. But enough about me, what was this Tendou guy like? If he's anything like the emperor, I can see why you'd have trouble leaving him!"

"Tendou was," I thought back, "like a brother to me. He picked on me a lot when we were little kids, but he was only teasing. I was the one who bandaged up his bruises, and made his lunches when he was working all day. We were very close, but I don't think he ever knew how much I wanted to spend my life with him."

"As his wife?"

"That's what I always expected, but maybe not even that. Just as long as he'd always be there, I thought I could be happy. When my family couldn't even pay the rent, though, and the people from the palace invited me to join the harem, I thought very carefully about what my feelings were. Even if I never saw them again, I wanted what was best for them, and decided the most love I could show them was to leave. It wasn't as if I couldn't live without Tendou, I just…" I trailed off as my eyes started leaking with tears again. "I didn't want to."

"Look at me," I tried to smile as I lifted a hand to my eyes. "I thought I could move on and find a new love. I thought I was strong enough. And here I am, crying again."

"Houki," Lady Kourin started to scold me, "Crying is fine. Cry as much as you need to- the tears will help you heal. Burying your feelings is one thing, but resolving them is another."

"I just want to move on. I don't want to loose sight of why I'm here," I let my thoughts continue to flow. "If His Majesty does choose me to be his wife, I want to love and support him with my entire being. I don't want to think of another man when I see him; I want to love him for whoever he may be."

"You had better do that if he chooses you," she half-threatened me.

"Ahh- I'm sorry, Lady Kourin," I abruptly stopped crying when I saw her stern face. "I didn't mean to make it sound like I wanted to keep you from loving him or anything like that…"

"If that's how you feel, then that's how you _should _feel. I'm not going to hold that against you," she shrugged. "But enough of this '_Lady _Kourin' business. It feels too formal and stiff among friends."

I smiled and nodded. I had lost my best friend from before, but with a new friend like Lady Kourin-- or rather, Kourin-- I would probably be able to heal from that. Moving on from the other feelings I had for Tendou may take more time, but there wasn't any rush.

"Come to think of it, Kourin," I said to her. "I've never seen you cry."

"Yes, you have!"

"That was only when you were whining over His Majesty not coming to see you," I replied. "But you've never cried for real."

She looked away and smiled awkwardly. "Crying is something you do when you recognize that you're hurt. I'm not mature enough right now to let myself feel hurt."

I had forgotten what she had said before about taking her name from someone else close to her who had died. She did a very good job of covering up her pain, I now realized, and while I wasn't going to force her to say anything, my curiousity peaked.

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**Author Fangirling: **I'm sure you all can guess who the next chapter will focus on... see you then! 


	6. Masked Past

**Author Fangirling: **SHAMELESS PLUG! I got the inspiration for this chapter from Kianang's story, "Otouto" (read it! Dah!-- it won't let me post a link!). No, I didn't base any of this off of that fic, but it put me in the mood to reach into Nuriko's past.

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Two months passed since I saw the Emperor's face. After recognizing how lonely I felt without Tendou, I was able to move on and focus on the sleeping face I saw before. He certainly was a graceful man, and I was lucky to have a chance to marry him. I grew more interested in Konan's political conditions so I could understand what kind of man he was through the decisions he made. I listened to whatever gossip I heard about him, trying to find out what his personality was like. In my excitement to learn more about this man, I was able to work through my feelings for Tendou and move on. 

Kourin and I also continued to grow closer since that time. I became far more receptive to anything she might have said about her past, though, and wondered more and more about who this Kourin person was, and what the Kourin I knew might have been like without her. I never said a thing to drag anything out of her, as much as I wanted to.

"Kourin!" I met her one day in the hall. "Won't you come eat this manju with me? It's too much for me to eat by myself!"

No response, so I tugged playfully on her sleeve and pouted. "Kourin! Pleeease?"

She burst out in laughter. "Stop acting so cute! Seriously, you're just like Kourin!"

Kourin. It was the first time she had mentioned her since we became friends. As we ate together, I kept thinking about it, and she noticed. "You look so serious about something, Houki."

"Oh, I was…" I wondered whether or not I should broach the topic, "just wondering who Kourin was."

"My sister," she responded matter-of-factly. "She was a couple years younger than me."

"Oh," I nodded. "Is that all…?"

"Listen to you," she poked my cheek. "Trying to find out why I pretend to be her! You little spy, you!"

"I can't help but be curious about my friend," I laughed.

"Very well. Kourin and I were very close, and we shared everything. Our bedroom, our secrets, even our faces. Except for our height difference, people used to think we were twins! We and our older brother played together all day long, not a care in the world."

I knew what happened next.

"It was a complete accident when she died. I was devastated," her eyes sank and her voice got quieter. "The person I was died with her. I needed to keep living on as someone, though, so I started pretending I was her. It didn't take long to convince myself I really was Kourin, and that nothing bad ever happened to her."

"I'm very sorry to hear all this," my heart sank. She merely shrugged, as it was old news to her. Just being facts, she had no trouble recalling it. Eager to push on the conversation, I looked up to the ceiling and said, "I wonder what kind of person you were before. Will you tell me your real name?"

Kourin smiled warmly. "No."

I was disappointed and made sure it showed on my face as she continued. "The person I was is gone. I'm just Kourin now. Whether or not I'm my sister is different, I guess, but this is the identity I've taken."

"It may be the one you've taken," I nudged her , "but is it really yours?"

She smirked. "Who knows, maybe I'm still looking for who I am. But it doesn't bother me one bit."

I think it should have been painful for Kourin to recall all this, but she never looked close to crying. I remembered what she had said before about that: "_Crying is fine. Cry as much as you need to- the tears will help you heal. Burying your feelings is one thing, but resolving them is another._"

She never accepted the tragedy of her sister's death, so could never give herself the chance to heal. I felt very sad for her, and hoped with all my being that she might someday move on and find her true self again. "Kourin?"

"Yes, dear?"

"If I'm so much like Kourin, why don't you just let me replace her?"

After her initial laughter, she held my head to hers and declined the offer. "You're just fine being Houki."


	7. Dragging Behavior

Another few months passed. It had been a year since I came to the harem. His Majesty still had not come to visit his harem.

It was discouraging to wait so long and prepare yourself emotionally to become someone's wife, only to find that he has no interest in you. Many of the harem members were growing anxious, but some were handling it better than others. Kourin was not one of these some.

"Aaahhh, where is he?" she moaned and leaned against an outside post, pushing it backwards a bit. The roof shook, but she didn't very concerned. More things had been breaking around her lately. As she continued walking, I tried to push the post back up to it's proper position, but didn't have much success.

"Are you feeling mad at him, Kourin?" I asked while pushing all my weight into it. Kourin came back and pulled the post back into place single-handedly, causing the roof to shake again.

"Maybe a little."

"That's probably for the best," I laughed nervously. "You're the kind of person people get to know by first getting on your bad side."

"My bad side isn't that bad," she stuck her nose in the air. I resisted telling her that her bad side could be horribly cruel. "In any case, he won't come here, but I can't go to him because of these stupid rules about where harem members can and can't go around the palace." I resisted mentioning that that hadn't stopped her before.

"I'm sure his advisers are bugging him to choose an empress," I offered optimistically. "Any day now, he should come by. Just be patient."

"Patient? I'm loosing all my chances now!" she shook a fist. "For all I know, he may have fallen for some servant girl who is allowed to clean his bedroom!" As she said this, one of the harem servants walked past and Kourin grabbed her collar and started shaking it. "It's you, isn't it!?"

"L-L-Lady K-K-Kourin! P-P-Please st-st-stop!"

"Kourin, stop being so rash," I put my hand over hers and she released the startled servant. "You seem far too tense. Maybe you should try to relax somehow… perhaps a hot bath?"

The other harem members had learned to avoid Kourin when she was in a foul mood if they valued their lives. Before entering the bath, she barked "Everyone out!". Not a minute later, the girls gathered their clothes and ran out. Kourin walked in and I started to follow, but she promptly slid the door in front of me. "Stand guard, Houki."

"Very well," sighed I as I took a seat by the door. I didn't bother trying to make any conversation with her, but I could clearly hear all the vulgar comments she was making under her breath about servant girls (and boys), blind emperors, and palace rules.

That evening, I thought I would try to relax a bit myself. Kourin wasn't the only one who was distressed about His Majesty's absence. I was almost ready to go to sleep when there was a knock at my door. "Lady Houki? Lady Houki, are you in there?"

The voice sounded panicked, so I hurriedly opened the door. There stood a couple of the other harem members. "Yes?"

"It's Lady Kourin," one said. "We're hearing all sorts of strange noises from inside her room. We thought maybe you could…"

"Be brave enough to go in and see what's going on?" I finished. They nodded eagerly. "I'll try to quiet her down, but I can't make any promises."

I didn't want to be a peacemaker tonight, but went to her door anyway. On the other side I heard her complaining, but it didn't sound as cognitive as usual. "Kourin? What are you doing in there?"

A slurred response.

"Kourin? Are you alright?"

More moaning.

"What's going on, Kourin? I'm coming in."

It was the first time I had entered her room without permission, and probably for good reason. She was slumped over at her table in front of two empty bottles of liquor, and was working on a third. "What is all this, Kourin? How much have you been drinking?"

"Oohh, Houki!" she smiled with rosy cheeks. "Well, you said to relax, soooo! -hic- It takes sooo much to make me tipsy, though, so I had t' drink lotssss."

"You're completely drunk now," I observed.

"Won't you -hic- have some, too?" she offered me a cup and the bottle. "It works wonders!"

"I'm going to bed, Kourin. Good night."

"Ooohhhh, but Houkiiiii, you're so -hic- tense! You should relax, too! If you don't -hic- drink, how about I rub your shoulders?" she made a rubbing motion with her fingers. I wasn't sure if I would survive a shoulder rub from her. I turned to leave, but she lunged and grabbed my ankles, causing me to trip. "Hoooukiiii! You need to relax!"

"Kourin," I looked back at her. She certainly did look like she was enjoying herself and it had been a long time since I drank anything, so I took the extra cup from the table. "Very well, I'll join you."

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**Author Fangirling: **The next chapter is one I had been waiting since the beginning of the fic to write... I've usually avoided it, but drunkenness can be an excellent plot catalyst! 


	8. Blunt

Kourin laughed and told jokes to herself as she downed a couple more shots and I had only a couple myself. My face felt hot and there was that nagging feeling that I shouldn't be fooling around with alcohol, but I did feel happier and more relaxed than I had been in a few weeks.

"And then he said, 'please marry me!' -hic- and I told him to come back the day before yesterday!" my drinking partner laughed. "He's not His Majesty, so I won't! I just won't!"

"As soon as you do meet him, though, he'll probably have no choice but to marry you!" I said. "I don't think you'd let him get away even if he wanted to!"

"I dunno," she pouted. "I hope he at least -hic- likes me a little. Juuuust a little." To illustrate, she pinched her index finger and thumb in front of her eye.

"Of course he'll like you if you're as beautiful as me," I joked.

"Noooo, it's not like thaaat!" she moaned. "You're so much more pretty and feminine than me! Just think of what His Majesty would think if he saw me so drunk!" She then looked me in the face and moved so close that our noses nearly bumped. "Why, you're not tipsy at all!"

"Oh no, I am feeling _very_ relaxed," I assured her with a slight slur.

"It makes sense," she shrugged and paced across the room. "After all, real ladies like you don't get -hic- silly. But you're special. I wish I could be you."

"You'd rather be me than be Kourin?" I laughed. "You don't want to be a poor girl!"

"You have this natural beauty to you that I don't have," she walked across the room with an awkwardly stiff posture as if to imitate me. "You carry yourself -hic- with such grace, and you don't have to pretend you're a lady- it's natural for you to be nice -hic- t' people. I'm not like that at aaaaall. Aw, and look how rosy your cheeks are!"

"That's because of the liquor."

"No, you're nice without liquor, too," she untied her hair and let her locks falls around her shoulders. It might just have been because of the alcohol, but I started feeling very jealous of how shiny and pampered her hair was. Mine was layered with split ends and got oily easily. Even though she was saying otherwise at the moment, I thought she was far prettier than I was, no matter how drunk she might be. She let herself fall into her bed beside the chair I was sitting on and let out a loud, content sigh.

"I'm sure His Majesty will be just as smitten with you when he finally meets you," I said to her. "It won't be long before he does. I'll bet you barely have time to sober up before he comes through that door."

"Mmm, stop joking Houki," she pretended to be irritated, but still had a wide smile on her face. "After all, I have things to do. But I can't do _those _things. Oooh, I wish I was you, -hic- Houki! I wish I was you!"

"You don't know what you're saying. You don't even know who _you_ are, Kourin!"

"Houki."

"Yes--?"

She sat up to hold my face in her hands and look at me very carefully. After being silent for a few moments, as if in deep thought (or lack there of), she declared, "You're beautiful."

I blushed and smiled, but was still sober enough to tell she was probably saying that because she was too drunk or because she thought I was beautiful because I looked like her. Before I could say anything in response, she fell back into bed while still holding my head, and dragged me with her. "Kourin? Let go…"

Laying next to one another, she planted her forehead against mine and closed her eyes, and spoke clearer than she had the whole evening. "It can only be you."

"Kourin?"

"You're the only one I'll let care for him."

"Kourin? Care for who?"

As soon as she had said that, though, she fell asleep, and her grip around my face got lighter. She looked very peaceful as she slept, so I smiled. With the alcohol in my system, I didn't feel like getting up, and I certainly didn't mind falling asleep at Kourin's side. After all, I enjoyed being with people I cared about, and I felt more relaxed there than I had in months, or possibly even since I entered the imperial harem. I slept very soundly that night.

That sleep ended abruptly the next morning when Kourin screamed. Startled, I sat up and looked around and saw her sitting next to me on the bed, horrified. "Kourin? Kourin, dear, what's the matter?"

"You were there the whole night!?" she shrieked in disbelief. "In.. in my bed?"

"Yes," I nodded with a groggy smile. "Last night was a lot of fun, thank you."

"Maybe a little too fun," she held her head and moaned. "Ohhh, my head. I barely remember it... How could I? How _dare _I?"

"Looks like you need some time to recover," I stood up with a touch of a headache. "I'll clear these bottles out of your way for you."

"Yes! Get rid of them! Oohhh," she still held her head. "How could I have done that! Nothing against you, Houki, but I feel sick to my stomach."

"Why don't you get some more sleep while I clean up in here?" I put my head to hers and smiled. She seemed like such a baby when we wasn't feeling well. Kourin shied away from my gesture with a yelp and covered her head with her blankets. I giggled a bit as I gathered the empty and half finished bottles and left. I didn't feel very well the rest of the day, but no where near as sick as Kourin must have felt. She avoided me until the next day.

When she found me, she had a very sheepish look on her face. "Houki, I'm sorry about the other night. I can hardly remember any of what I did, but…"

"Oh, Kourin, there's no need to apologize," I assured her.

She looked up to me with a panicked face. "Whatever you do, just don't tell His Majesty I slept with you!"

"I don't think he would hold anything against you for--"

"For your sake, Houki!" she raised her voice, then promptly covered her mouth and calmed back down to a hushed voice. "Listen, if we can just forget about it… if that's possible…"

"Of course let's forget about it if it bothers you that much," I nodded. "What does a little fun between friends matter, anyway?"

"If you say so," she smiled weakly. I found it sweet and somewhat unexpected that she regretted getting drunk even more than I did. "I'm glad that's over with!"

In the time that followed, she became a little less violent, and patient once again for the emperor to meet her.

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**Author Fangirling: **I know, I know! It was horribly mean of me to make Nuriko think his manly side showed through, but I couldn't resist. But the main purpose of this chapter was I wanted to show Nuri's inner thoughts on Houki, which he probably wouldn't have said otherwise (though I'm it must have taken quite a bit of alcohol to get him to loosen up that much... oh my). I think Nuriko had planned a long time before series that she was the only one he'd give the emperor to if he couldn't have him himself. And yes, there's more coming. 


	9. Prelude to Parting

**Author Fangirling: **Technically, this is the last chapter. I accomplished what I wanted to with this story, and this is what I feel to be a an appropriate conclusion. However, if prompted, I _do _have an omake written to add to it...

* * *

Another four months passed. Still no sign of the emperor. I heard rumors in the past few days that he was busy with the arrival of the Priestess of Suzaku. With an event as important as that, no one could blame him for not being in a hurry to have an heir. Kutou was also threatening to go to war with Konan, and he must have been very anxious about that. The impending war made me nervous as well. I would be safe in the palace, but my family was in a small, defenseless village. I had no way to protect them but to pray. 

In my worry, I drew a small fever, and was trying to sleep it off. I woke up one morning to the sound of Kourin's excited voice. "Houki! Houki, wake up!" I opened my eyes and saw her shining face. "Today's the day. I can feel it- today I'm going to meet His Majesty."

I sat up in surprise. "How? Is he coming?"

"No," she opened the window and stretched in the sunshine. "What a wonderful day. I feel so empowered... I'm going to march up and introduce myself."

"But they would never allow you to do that," I cautioned.

"Today, I don't care what happens. Something deep inside of me is telling that come what may, I've got to try," she replied. She looked confident and relaxed, and somehow unlike her usual self. Perhaps her true self -not Kourin- was finally stepping through. I was happy for her, but also felt a twinge of loneliness.

"Good luck," I forced myself to smile, covering up that nagging feeling that I probably wouldn't see her as much as usual anymore.

I saw her off to the balcony that overlooked the courtyard, where armies were assembling to meet the priestess of Suzaku. With how distracted everyone was by her, it was Kourin's perfect chance to slip out unnoticed. However, that also meant it would be harder to get the emperor's attention, but I had no doubt that Kourin would give her herself a big entrance.

"Well, off I go," she said with a deep breath. "But before that…"

"Yes?"

Like always, she put her head against mine, and this time whispered in my ear, "No matter what may happen, keep at it, okay? For my sake."

I wasn't sure what she meant, but agreed, "I will."

"See you later, Houki!" she waved and turned away. I turned back to the usual harem quarters, wondering what would become of my dear friend, of my family, of my country, and of me. The future would have love and tragedy in store for all of us. It was a little frightening to look forward to.

I reminded myself once again why I was there. To love and serve the emperor as both the leader of my country and as a normal man. I would keep waiting for love and be ready when and if he wanted mine.


	10. OMAKE!

**Author Fangirling: **The inevitable omake... because it needed it. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Bye bye!

* * *

Another month later. There were mysterious things about Kourin I now knew that made her make so much more sense.

"So now people refer to you as 'Nuriko'?" I asked. It turns out that when she met the emperor and the priestess, she revealed that she was a celestial warrior of Suzaku. That explains her superhuman strength. Kourin told me about the priestess, another one of the warriors named Tamahome, and wonderful things about Emperor Saihitei, who also turned out to be one of the warriors, Hotohori. It was certainly entertaining to hear everything she had to talk about.

"So, Kourin, with all that time you spent with His Majesty as a fellow warrior of Suzaku," I nudged her, "surely you must have won some of his favor."

"Not really," she pouted. "It wasn't even going that well before he found out I was man. But he's still letting me stay in the harem, so--"

"You're a man!?"

"You didn't know?" she-- or rather, he-- became surprised. "I thought for sure you would have found out when I was drunk."

"Kourin, please tell me you're joking!"

"I'm not," he opened his dress to reveal a flat chest, not shy at all. I turned away with my face covered in shock. "Houki, dear, are you alright? I'm still a woman on the inside."

That explained a lot of he--his behavior. Wanting to take baths alone, being defensive about people entering his room unannounced, and being so alarmed when he saw me asleep in bed with him.

"Hey, that's right!" Kourin gasped. "Then nothing must have happened that night! Oh, what a relief! Ha ha ha! Ha… seriously, are you okay, Houki?"

"I think so. Just a little taken aback… you certainly do keep your secrets well."

"You bet I do," he smiled and hugged me around the shoulders. "But we're still friends, right?"

"Coming this far, I couldn't see it any other way, Kourin."


End file.
